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Seeing the opportunity in transition

At GatedTalent, we regularly share the experience of our clients from the search industry.  Our blog today is something different.  Heidi Wheatley is an experienced marketing executive who finds herself in transition.  She’s been kind enough agree to write a series of blogs with us, sharing her experience in the hope it helps executives in a similar situation.

Heidi writes:

My journey began when I was approached by a company about a position for which they felt I’d be a good fit. I was intrigued until they mentioned they were based several hours away from where I was currently living. A move would mean no longer being a short drive away from my grown son and leaving friends and a life I’d built over the course of the more than 10 years I’d lived there. They asked me to fly to their office, meet the team and then decide – be open to the possibility. So, I took a chance and checked them out.

Much to my surprise, the company seemed to be everything they said it was – fast-paced, tight-knit and thriving. Upon returning home, I had many conversations with my son, family and close friends. When the position was offered, I accepted it, put my home up for rent and began planning my move. In retrospect, there were questions I should have asked, comments I should have probed and challenges I should have seen but there is always clarity in hindsight. The position was not a fit, for many reasons, but I wasn’t going to wave a white flag and admit I’d made a mistake. I was making progress with significant initiatives and found working with my hiring manager to be a positive experience. Several months later the reporting structure changed and I felt that I went from moving forward to a standstill. I don’t give up easily, so I continued to throw myself into figuring out how to make things work and get moving forward again. I bought a house, I was committed to them, after all. So when I found myself having the uncomfortable “this is not working out” conversation just two months after purchasing my house, I was understandably shaken. The house, my token of commitment, added serious complexity to the situation I now found myself in.

To Stay or Go

Having only moved for the job, I had no family in the area and, while I’ve made friends, don’t have the connections necessary to network into a new role or cause me to want to stay. I love my house and community but realized if I was going to find another position, I’d want to move back to be near my son in a city that feels like home. I had made the first critical decision on my new path – to move back. Between the severance I received and my savings, I knew money wouldn’t be a concern for a while. I combed through my expenses, identifying those items I could do without in order to stretch my savings even farther. I created a budget so I could visually reassure myself that I would be alright.

Viewing Transition as an Opportunity

During a conversation with my son, he encouraged me to take some time and really think about what I wanted to do next. His viewing my transition as an opportunity helped my mindset immensely. What did I want to do? I’d never truly thought about it before. As a single parent, my goal was always to keep moving up the ladder to give the two of us the kind of life I wanted us to have. Up until now, I’d had the good fortune to work for companies that valued my contributions, provided opportunities for growth and advancement and allowed me the work-life balance I needed to be a good mom. I found fulfillment in accomplishing goals and managing teams and generally was passionate about what I was doing and why. Given the gift of time, what would I do if I could do anything? That would become all I thought about.

But First, Rest

The pace at which I’d worked the past several years had taken a toll on me physically and emotionally. I was exhausted, had gained “stress” weight that I couldn’t lose no matter how hard I tried and lost the creative spark I once had. I used that first week to sleep, go on long walks with my dogs and exercise. I stopped setting my alarm for 6 a.m. and woke up naturally. I thought about what would make me feel good – fill me up – and decided to volunteer.  I signed up to coach Girls on the Run and support Time Out Youth. I caught up with friends and family – I did anything that lifted my spirits. I had allowed stress to move me away from who and what I am and was amazed at how quickly my energy came back. I found I now had the capacity to read, to focus, to crack a joke and to be creative.

Rebuild the Self-Esteem

My adult life has been defined by two things – motherhood and my career. My professional self-esteem really took a beating. The self-doubt that created left me wondering if anyone would ever find value in employing me again. I knew I needed to tackle updating my resume and LinkedIn profile but found myself dreading the tasks. How would I explain why I was in transition? What could I list as accomplishments? When I finally powered up my laptop and opened the previous copy of my resume, I was empowered by what I read. The words painted a picture of an ambitious professional that was a strong leader, encouraging manager and strategic thinker who helped organizations scale and become more efficient and profitable. It was in completing those tasks that I found my professional self-esteem again.  Thinking through my past roles, remembering my accomplishments, the talented people I’d had the good fortune to work with, and teams I managed really helped lift me up. Reaching out to former colleagues (many of whom have become personal friends over the years) also helped remind me that I do add value, I amtalented. That allowed me to acknowledge that one career misstep was not going to detract from the decades of success I’d previously had.

Reach Out

While I’ve found that the least appealing task of being in transition is having to explain to people that I am not currently employed, I’ve gained wisdom from others sharing their personal stories and learned that people genuinely want to help. My friends and professional network have been an invaluable source of support and unending kindness and encouragement. From reviewing my resume, to sharing it with their network to notifying me of open positions, their desire to help fills me with gratitude. Being unemployed is incredibly lonely. My sense of daily purpose is gone. No team to support, meetings to attend or projects to complete. No brainstorming or planning or budgeting. Just an unending attempt to fill the hours in a day, focused on myself and trying to figure out what’s next. I’ve found that for my sanity, it is critical to stay connected to my family and friends. To have people to listen when I need to wallow in self-pity for a half second, express frustration at how challenging the job search is or to listen to my fears of exhausting my savings and ending up penniless on the streets. In general, I don’t do vulnerability well but I am getting better at reaching out, asking for help and allowing the kindness and generosity of others to lift me up.

Schedule Each Day

I’ve brought the same drive to my transition as I do to my career – planning each day to maximize my feeling of accomplishment and keep me connected to positive people and things. I set my alarm, search for jobs, connect with recruiters, plan lunches, meet friends for drinks, walk my dogs, volunteer, participate in professional webinars like those on GatedTalent, read anything that will help me move forward and spend time with family and friends. I also continue to focus on taking care of myself by getting enough sleep, eating well, exercising and just vegging out when I need to be mindless for a while. Connections and routines keep me moving forward on the days when I feel stuck or hopeless.

Create a Plan of Action

As I mentioned earlier, I made the decision to move back to be near my son. While I made that decision quickly, I had no idea when or how. My current home is a huge obstacle to overcome. The move and purchase of a home has not been inexpensive – even with a relocation allowance. Selling a house, less than a year after purchasing it, could mean even larger financial losses at an inopportune time. So, I launched into fact finding mode and talked with my realtor to get his advice. I had already listed the home I moved from and decided to keep it listed, as the proceeds will be very helpful if I’m unemployed for an extended period of time or my current home takes some time to sell. I decided to stay put until after the holidays to (hopefully) keep me from hemorrhaging more money than necessary. The budget I created is helping me make the best financial decisions I can during a less than desirable situation. Emotionally, staying put is not ideal but recruiters have been very understanding of my situation and it has not hindered me from seeking employment in the city I will be returning to. I have a plan and that helps remind me that I am taking action.

With my energy back, I’m feeling more worthy of taking a risk and following my desire to own my own business and am currently working on the business plan. GatedTalent has provided me the opportunity to write, something I love to do but had lost the spark until recently, and share my experience. It is my hope that in sharing my journey I can help others navigate a similar situation or, at the very least, know that they are not alone.

No Regrets

I find that some days it’s easier to be optimistic than others, just ask my sister. Without her shoulder and counsel I’d be lost down a dark rabbit hole of self-doubt and insecurity. On days when I am down, angry or resentful, I take the time to acknowledge how I’m feeling and then mentally list all the reasons I’m better off. I also count the things for which I am grateful – I am grateful to have supportive family, peers and friends. I am grateful to no longer be in a role that doesn’t fit me. I am grateful that I can think and create again. I am grateful that I have the opportunity to coach, focus on myself and just rest for a moment. I am grateful that I was able to spend the better part of a week helping my son ready and move into his new home. I am grateful for the growth that the ups and downs, doubts and opportunities this new journey brings.

Heidi can be found in GatedTalent, or on Linkedin.

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